The Past Is Present: The Impact of Your Childhood Experiences on How You Parent Today

Source: www.zerotothree.org

By Claire Lerner

Feb 29, 2016

This article encourages parents to reflect on experiences they had growing up in order to make conscious decisions about what practices they want to repeat, and not repeat, with their own children.

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1f8889c2-74a5-42b1-9bdf-b7bba002388e-smallHow many times have you opened your mouth to say something and heard your parents’ words come out? You’re not alone. Most parents have had this experience. It helps you see how deeply you are influenced by your childhood experiences and why it’s so important to become aware of how they shape your approach to parenting today.

Just as you are your child’s first teacher, your parents were yours. Things they said and did, their way of being and relating to you and others, laid the foundation for many of your beliefs, values, attitudes, and parenting practices. Few parents, if any, had a lesson plan in mind. The transfer of information mostly took place through everyday interactions. You tuned in to the subtle and not-so-subtle messages they sent, which influenced how you thought about yourself and the world around you.

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Decoding Your Child’s Behavior

decoding-2At some point all parents face behavioral challenges with their children. Adopted children have often had unfortunate experiences that may increase misbehavior and make traditional discipline techniques ineffective. Join Phyllis Booth, Founder of Theraplay®, and Mandy Jones, LCSW, JD, certified Theraplay® therapist at the Center for Lifelong Adoption Support, as they provide an empathetic understanding of why negative behaviors occur and discuss tools, techniques and activities that parents can use to tame temper tantrums and create positive relationships.

Topics will include:

  • Differences adopted children face in childhood and how that affects behavior
  • Behavioral and self-regulation issues both at home and in school
  • What parents can do to curb negative behaviors
  • How parents can create happy, connected family relationships

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The Kids who Need the Most Love Will Ask for it in the Most Unloving Ways by Katie Malinski

Source: http://katiemalinski.com

By Katie Malinski

kids-who-need-love-quote I snapped a picture of this quote on the wall at the Magellan International School the other day, and posted it on Facebook.  A week or so later, it had been shared by 68 people, and viewed by nearly 7000.  Obviously, this quote resonates for many of us.

One of the first things I tell most parents that I work with is that behavior is a communication, and that understanding the message in a child’s behavior is incredibly helpful for changing those behaviors.  To put it another way, something is behind or underneath unwanted behavior; triggering or motivating or strengthening it.  Those hidden drivers are usually unmet needs of some variety.  When parents can identify what those unmet needs are, they typically find that those underlying needs are needs they want to support.  In other words: the behaviors are unwanted, but the needs driving those behaviors are understandable!

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Heart of the Matters Website and Courses are Updated and Refreshed

October 2016

Course Spotlight: Because They Waited

 

 

  • Quality: 10 hours of Hague compatible education

  • Refreshed:  Renewed with updated resources

  • Convenient: Mobile access

The Because They Waited™ education system is online with modules covering topics pertinent to individuals adopting a baby or an older child, internationally or through foster care.  Modules present "The Science" in a user friendly format, followed by "The Parenting" which offers concrete parenting tools.   "Wrap Up and Resources" as well as study materials are also provided for each topic.
Topics covered include:
Promoting healthy brain development
Sensory processing and sensory integration
Parenting to a child’s "real age" vs. chronological age
Understanding the internal alarm
Building attachment
Race and Culture
 
Contact us at info@heartofthemattereducation.com for a copy of the table of contents for Because They Waited.
 
More quality adoption education

   

Heart of the Matter Education  816 246-1100
info@heartofthemattereducation.com
www.heartofthemattereducation.com

Watch Me Now: Determination, Grace, Unlimited Talent = Miss Lusie!

See video.

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I Love You More Than I Care If You "Like" Me

Apparently this mom has been eaves dropping in on my house – my kids have heard this exact same speech from the beginning of time. I love them more than to care if they ‘like’ me. This is great.

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The Promise: Truth From The Trenches of Adoption by Christen Shepherd and Lisa Highfield

Source:  www.lulu.com

product_thumbnail.php When Christen Shepherd adopted four children from foster care she jumped into the treacherous waters of raising traumatized children. Because of mammoth tantrums, explosive rages, destroyed rooms, and unending grief, the Shepherds enlisted the help of a Child and Youth Counsellor, Lisa Highfield. The Promise is a raw and compelling read. It offers insight into the behaviors of adopted and foster children, and gives hope to struggling parents who are at a loss after bringing wounded children into the family.

Learn more.

How To Be With A Dysregulated Child, by Robyn Gobble, LCSW

Source: www.gobbelcounseling.wordpress.com

calm-confident-compassion

I think I finally get it.  Or at least, I’m getting it in a deeper way.  In a whole-body, brain and heart, I can feel it in my bones kind of way.

In the past few weeks, I’ve have the opportunity to experience first-hand some extremely dysregulated behavior in my office.  In two circumstances, I couldn’t do anything except stay calm and wait.  In a third, I could have chosen a different path (the situation was a bit more contained and I had more power than in the other two circumstances, which were much more vulnerable), but didn’t.  I fully embrace the truth that I am not triggered by a dysregulated child in the same way that a parent would be.  I don’t feel as wary.  I don’t have the same level of attachment involved, which always muddies the waters.  But I think it’s because of these very facts that I was able to maintain the clarity that allowed for this profound knowing to take place.

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Parenting Kids with Prenatal Alcohol and Drug Exposure

4ef730cf2ebc409e8f7165aabb890d15 Host Dawn Davenport, Executive Director of Creating a Family, the national infertility & adoption education and support nonprofit, interviews a panel of adoptive moms who are raising children who were exposed in pregnancy to alcohol or drugs.

Listen to Show

Parent to Parent: Addressing Trauma-Based Behaviors to Promote Attachment

Debbie Schugg, Kinship Center, Adoptive Parent

(LIVE) Thursday, March 17, 2016 @ 1:00pm- 2:30pm EST
Extended Access: March 18 -23, 2016

Debbie Schugg will discuss how approaching frustrating behaviors with curiosity and compassion can lead to better outcomes, greater healing, and more peace in the home. She will share strategies for interpreting behaviors, identifying the unmet needs which drive them, prioritizing the parent-child relationship, and recognizing the role of self-care in being emotionally present with our children.

Thanks to Jockey Being Family, Jockey International the first 300 registrants can receive free registration when using coupon code ATTACH at checkout.

Click here to register.

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